dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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