My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
