we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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