I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
