You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My vagina is officially offended.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
