So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
