she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I need moral support for this bender
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
