I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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