He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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