Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
