You smell like a Billy Joel song
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
