Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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