I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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