my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
