my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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