One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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