you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
