Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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