I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
