Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
