the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
