If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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