I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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