I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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