I have demons in me.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The feeling are messing with the penis
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
