She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
