Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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