I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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