you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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