Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
