M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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