You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
