I just cut my nipple shaving
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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