Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
