please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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