Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
A+ Viking dick
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