Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize