She's JV to your varsity
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
