I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
