I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize