Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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