Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
