god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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