Don't make out with my wife yet
you win again, gameday.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
