I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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