when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
