its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
