the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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