Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
