We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
