$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
