He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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