Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
