I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There's always time for handjobs
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
