also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
