I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
what is it with giant penises always finding me
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
