and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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