bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
