I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
