The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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