Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
pop tarts are not kleenex
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
