Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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