She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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