i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
