I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
